Verse: Documentation of a Transient Thought

Is there a world out there
void of sins
void of the craze of perfection
Is that oxymoron just not possible

Are our minds controlled by some power
not even necessarily higher power
other humans
Or maybe just by some beings

Am I being told what to think
what to write
what to type
Where is this coming from

This impetus
inspiration, if you will
is it simply a whim
Or something more than that

I've never felt so compelled
yet so free to let the words just flow
just stream out like a poetic consciousness
If it can be considered poetic

Fragmented mind
what is this sudden craving to scribe
ecrire (as the French would say) the foreign language of my thoughts
To paper and in a drop all and do it now

way

What do the spaces represent
(on this page)
are they perhaps a figment of my imagination
or just full stops in my train of brain waves
Sawed short and interspersed with randomness

yet wonder
wonder at the world
at what is
what is to come
what will be

I feel as if so much here is superficial
but of course we live in a somewhat superficial life
of superficial happiness stimulated by superficial materialism
What is real

why do I feel so real at this moment
so far removed from everything and everyone
that I feel that I am abnormal

or maybe I am
or am not

who else feels this way?

Why can't I express these thoughts
ideas
feelings
emotions
whatever you term it
out loud
by mouth
in spoken terms

why am I always so reliant on preparedness
where is the spontaneity of speech
literally, speech speech
as in giving a speech
where are the words, or some would say bs that just comes out
there is some innate drive toward detail and some degree of perfection
from which I can't stray

makes no sense
to you
or me
you think you may understand
but really you have no idea

how can you?
I'm not even quite certain
but in a way I am
I am certain in what I am thinking at
this very moment in time

or is it really me thinking this

Could it be ____ prompting me to ask?

don't answer—don't listen to me…disregard what I've just said…and
disregard that too

I wouldn't know how to respond

Or maybe that would just be the catalyst
to bring out my inner spontaneity

what could it be
really

[Written: 10/13/05]